The City That Goes To Sleep
It's time to scrap New York's curfew
I’ve always known, deep down, that Chazzy’s World is just the beginning of an epic saga. It’s a project that might take me on the journey of a lifetime. I’ve described one possible destination before: weekly columnist for The Guardian. As always, I have sample headlines ready:
Hooliganism In Sport: I joined supporters for a debaucherous Farsley away, and it was a much-needed distraction from my wife’s infidelity.
Labour wants a crackdown on underage drinking. But my cheeky Nan snuck me shandy at seven and I turned out just as well for it.
Mince pies, Luther reruns, and a few pints down the local -- that’s been my Sunday since I stopped talking to God.
But there was always another, darker path for me to walk. Many recent Chazzy’s Worlds have been devoted to Cuomo, DeBlasio, and other members of the Italic Conspiracy to corrupt and defile New York City. I am becoming dimly aware of my true destiny: hyperlocal crank blogger. I can see it now:
Articles for Patch.com in which I say nasty, unforgivable things about my neighbors. Calling the ASPCA on dog owners who ignore the snarky sign on my tree. Restaurant reviews on Yelp in which I criticize servers by name. NextDoor threads about how delivery bikers should be rounded up and shot for going too fast. Reporting groups of three or more teenagers on the Citizen app.
Today, Andrew Cuomo held his first press conference since he began facing sexual assault allegations. It was held in Syracuse and announced less than 90 minutes before it began, meaning most of the press corps could not get there from Albany in time. When asked about the scandal, he flatly replied “No, no” and said the accusers “wanted attention.” He also completely denied everything in a recent New York TimesMagazine cover story. Highlights include: Cuomo told a male staffer he would look good as a [slur] if he paid “for a good set of tits,” called Orthodox Jews celebrating Sukkot “those people and their fucking treehouses,” and told a meeting that his oral sex skills are his greatest gift in life. (Chazzy’s World was unable to confirm that Governor Cuomo’s tongue game goes crazy or if he is the Throat Goat.)
All of that is obviously awful, especially the denials, but sleaziness and cruelty are par for the Cuomo course at this point. Instead, let’s look at the also-infuriating rest of the press conference. Today, he announced the following rules: 75% occupancy at offices, 50% at casinos, 33% at stadiums, and 50% at gyms. However, the main point of the press conference was that (drumroll please) the 2021 State Fair will go on! Yep, you read that right! The New York State Fair is happening! Funnel cake! Exhibits of New York’s rich agricultural production! The Governor guessing your weight!
Among all of those changes, one thing was notably left the same: the curfew.
Cuomo moved the curfew back to midnight last week. But it needs to go altogether. The curfew is perhaps the most onerous remaining Covid restriction in New York. More so than any other rule, it fundamentally alters the character of New York City and hurts workers and small businesses, while providing little demonstrable benefit. It’s time to fight for our right to party.
Currently, you can have the following day in New York: wake up, go to the gym, eat breakfast indoors, go into your office, eat lunch indoors, go back to the office, eat dinner indoors, go to a baseball game, movie theater, casino, or horse race, then head home to get excited about which huge vegetables will be on display at this year’s State Fair. And that’s fine by me. We’re at a point where vaccines are common enough and cases low enough that people should be empowered to assess their own risks. It doesn’t make sense that you can do all of that, as long as you’re home by midnight.
While Cuomo gives huge concessions to big businesses such as sports teams, casinos, and white-collar office employers, he continues to hurt the most common types of small business: restaurants and bars. Restricting their hours makes it that much more difficult to make ends meet after such a challenging year. Bars especially bear this burden, losing four hours each night compared to the non-Covid 4 a.m. closing time. The curfew also makes it that much more difficult for bar and restaurant employees to work enough hours to pay their bills. Cuomo pats himself on the back for New York’s $15 minimum wage, but $15 doesn’t make a difference if you’re not allowed to work enough.
The evidence behind Covid curfews is spotty at best. There have been a number of studies, none of which show a significant effect. The general sense seems to be that curfews are really only useful for creating a general sense of alarm and seriousness, which was probably a good thing when they were first introduced in New York. But that’s not where we are anymore. By announcing a State Fair of all things, Cuomo is sending the message that things are getting back to normal. But it’s hard to feel that way when the City That Never Sleeps is still making you go to sleep.
Sometimes, I put on my fedora and trenchcoat and head out into the streets dressed like a pervert to do some gumshoe reporting. I can confidently tell you this about the curfew: it does the exact opposite of what it’s supposed to. On Friday and Saturday, come midnight, the bar workers shoo you away. The masses get up from their socially-distanced outdoor setups and exit the reduced-occupancy bar. And in their booze-addled, horned-up state, they are not going to bed. They are going to unscrupulous establishments or someone’s apartment where Covid is respected even less. What else do you expect?
I have a few guesses for why the curfew persists. One is that restaurants and bars aren’t capable of lobbying as effectively as sports or casinos. That could be, but I imagine they have some muscle to exert, or at least a few prominent restaurateurs have the Governor’s ear. Another is that they are loath to scrap the curfew because it would make people feel too comfortable with our progress. That seems likely, but as I said, it makes no sense when you can do whatever you want up until midnight. Honestly, the curfew probably remains because Cuomo is a paternalistic control freak who enjoys limiting what people can do.
Regardless of why we still have it, the curfew sucks. It is a serious infringement on our rights for dubious benefit. It is a lingering piece of hygiene theater that dramatically affects the quality of life and livelihood of New Yorkers. It has to go.